Classic Wes

These pictures are from September 2010. They are classic Wes.

Back temporarily

Wes is back temporarily. They are done recording music for the album. He played guitar. Here is a link to their songs http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/artist_songs/2175584 He will be home for a little while. He will return soon to Iowa so they can practice for a New Year's concert.

When he came home tonight he surprised the girls. He wanted to surprise me but I found out a hour and half before he got here because I called to tell him about a holiday concert the girls and I were going to go to. He told me he was on his way home so I decided to skip the holiday concert even though it was going to be at the beautiful MO Theater.

My birthday

For my birthday this year the girls wanted to buy me some presents but Wes was out of town. Last Friday (day before my birthday) I had a meeting and my mom watched the girls. I asked my mom to take them shopping. Anna and Rebekah planned to get me chocolate with their money. My mom helped them get more. When I came back from my meeting they surprised me by jumping out from behind the chairs. They had made a cake with my mom's help. They bought me flowers, chocolate, and a gingerbread house kit. Apparently, my mom wanted to get me roses but Anna insisted on Gerber daisies. I love daisies more than roses. Anna and I had been talking about making a gingerbread house this month. Friday night we went downtown to the living windows display. It was fun to see the different shops put on mini Christmas plays in their store windows. The girls loved touring Poppy and the Candy Factory. The girls love to make things and love art so they were in heaven inside Poppy. We will go back to Poppy sometime when it is not so crowded. At the Candy Factory they were fascinated by the amount of candy. They each got some Harry Potter jelly beans. One of the banks had Santa so we stopped to take pictures. There were college students in front of us in line. One of them had their stuffed Garfield sit on Santa's lap and took pictures. We finished Friday night with carriage ride. On Saturday I took the girls to MU Faculty and Students Holiday Brass concert at the MO United Methodist church. The church building is old and gorgeous. We met some friends there. Anna sat with them and loved, loved the concert. I sat with Rebekah the first half trying to convince her to sit in the pews. She did not feel very good and wanted to go home. The second half we spent in the hallway listening to the music while Rebekah looked through a basket of kids books.

Some pictures ...

One of the three flowers


Slackers Living Window


Poppy's Living Window


Rebekah was fascinated by this person's instrument.


Another Living Window


Candy Factory


Garfield and Santa


Girls and Santa


Carriage


Rebekah reading books.

Greater

The task ahead of you is never as great as the power within you.

Realize the great and wonderful things that you can accomplish.

Be grateful for who you are and for the circumstances you have been given.

Live with a smile on your face so you will find joy and happiness each day.

Wes gone again

Wes got a phone call on November 15 that his brother needed him to come to Iowa to record music. Apparently, Wes is the best slide guitarist that his brother can find. He left a few hours later. He needed to leave immediately so they could practice the songs. It is good thing I have become patient with Wes' last minute spontaneity. :) They recorded 5 songs at a studio in Omaha, NE on November 19. Their next studio time is December 10 (I will let you do the math on how far that is away).

At this time in our lives we cannot afford for him to travel back and forth from Iowa so he stayed there for Thanksgiving. Also, the girls and I stayed in Columbia for Thanksgiving since it would be too expensive for us to go to Iowa. Our suburban is too expensive. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family the Sunday before Thanksgiving at my parents house. For Thanksgiving day my parents invited us to join them at Golden Corral. We had never gone to Golden Corral for Thanksgiving. It was actually only the third time in 9 years that I had even eaten there. I was amazed at how many people were there. Their parking lot was full so we had to park in a lot across the field. We waited for 30 minutes in a line that went out the door and two rows back in the parking lot. Crazy.

I will probably not see Wes until around Christmas. Rebekah told me last night she missed Wes really, really, really, really, really, really, really a lot. She said she wanted a daddy hug and kiss. Break my heart. This summer our dog Rosie (Weimaraner) stayed with Wes but this time she has stayed with us. Almost two weeks later Rosie is still looking for Wes. Anna misses Wes but understands why he needs to be gone. She also has had a hard time with Wes depression over the last few years. She wants him to be happy.

I pray and hope that Wes and Scott (friend in Columbia) can find a drummer and bassist for their band. It is fun for Wes to play with his brother but Wes needs his own band. They need people who are committed to playing. I hope Wes and Scott can find venues in our area. It would be very nice if he could get paid to do what he loves. It is fun for Wes to play with his brother but it is not good long term. Iowa is not a good place for Wes long term.

Wes and summer playing

This summer Wes spent 9 weeks in Iowa minus one week we went on vacation together. He spent the time in Iowa and Nebraska playing guitar and singing with his brother's band. We went up to Iowa for fourth of July and the girls and I went back home on the 5th. Mid-August the girls and I met him in St Joe so we could go down to Ridgedale for a vacation. He briefly returned to Columbia after our vacation to help a friend with their air conditioner. Then he left again until the beginning of September. He had a great time playing music. He returned to Columbia because he missed us and being in Iowa comes with a price.

The girls and I missed him lots. All Wes wants to do is play music so I was okay with him being gone. It was hard to have him gone. At the same time it was easy because Wes has been miserable for so long. He has been trying to create his own band in Columbia but cannot seem to find a drummer. They do not want a drummer who can just keep a beat but they want someone who can do artistic drum techniques. Wes can play the drums really well but he does not want to play them. He would rather play the guitar. It was nice for him to play with his brother's band but it is not his band.

It's been 8 months since I blogged.

It has been 8 months (almost 9 months) since I blogged. Our lives have been super busy. Back to March Anna got cast in the Wizard of Oz play that performed in MU's Jesse Hall. She was a flower.


Cast picture.


Classic Anna!

We spend a lot of time at Bass Pro. Between their great kid activities and the fact that Wes fishes a lot. I could spend an entire post on Wes' fishing pics LOL! For now here are some pics of Bass Pro in March.





In April we dyed eggs at Scott's house with Grace and Shelley.

Grace, Anna & Rebekah


Scott, Anna, Rebekah, and Shelley.


All of the eggs they dyed.

The next day we had a plastic Easter egg hunt with Grace and Kylie.

It was a boy

The baby we lost at the end of January was tested for chromosomal and genetic defects. They found NO defects. We also found out it was a boy. Oh boy was Wes bummed. There is too much estrogen at our house (even the dog is a girl). LOLLLLLLLLL!!!

So still no answers for why I keep loosing babies. I have an appointment to go see a fetal and and maternal specialist later this month.

100 things and activities

I have been fascinated for years about simplifying my life. One of my favorite books is by Elaine St James called Simplify your life. Some of her ideas are a little extreme for me but many of them I have done and it has helped so much. I have given away or thrown away a lot!!! Plus not allowed some things to come into my house. A few months ago I read on the web about reducing down to 100 things. There were tons of sites about 100 things. I do not know if I could go down to 100 things but I started making a list of 100 things that are important to me. Some of the websites that I read discussed separating things that are shared by others into a separate 100 list from the 100 personal things. I now have an Excel spreadsheet with the things categorized by personal (me only), shared, Wes only, and Anna only. I was talking to Anna about the 100 things the other day and asked her what 100 things she would want to keep or have. Very interesting conversation. She brought up things I forgot about. She is my outdoorsy child.

Last night I started thinking about 100 activities. Our lives are so busy. What 100 activities are important to me?

These lists of things and activities are good to consider at this time when I am re-working our budget and thinking about what we want to spend our money and time on.

Vienna

LOL. Those who know me well know that this song by Billy Joel fits me very well. I am not a big fan of Billy Joel but the song's lyrics make me laugh. Slow down you crazy child. :) When will I realize. Maybe now or soon. ;)

Vienna by Billy Joel

Here are the lyrics.

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Landslide

This is me rambling so do not critique it for grammar or logical order. This past Monday I had the D&C. I was extremely nervous to be put under. The nights before the surgery I had a hard time sleeping. I cried and cried. The stress of not knowing how the surgery would go was making me stressed out. I almost walked out of the hospital the day of the surgery until a nurse told me that of the three miscarriages she had had - two of them by D&C and one at home. She said the one at home was the worst. She said the bleeding and cramping was worse and having to fish the baby out of the toilet was horrible. I saw her as an angel from Heavenly Father. Being put under went good. Now almost a week later I am glad I had the D&C. The medicine they gave me took away my abdominal pain but by the second day my head was throbbing and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears plus it sounded like I was in a tunnel. I stopped taking the medicine they gave me. After about two days of no medicine I took an aspirin, tylenol, and motrin. I have to be careful taking tylenol and motrin. I cannot sleep (I get hyper) if I take too much tylenol and I get depressed when I take too much motrin. I hate medicine and only take it if I have to. The last few days the cramping has been increasing. I hope that it goes away soon. Until yesterday I had not been upset about the situation since Monday. I just want the bleeding and cramping to stop so I can move on so to speak. At least physically.

I was so sick during the first trimester of this pregnancy and the first trimester of the one last year. For some women my level of sickness would have been light for them but for me it was strong and more than I could bare at times with work, two kids and a husband with neck and back pain. Wes and the girls were great with helping me during the morning (all day) sickness and after the surgery. Wes made sure I had what I needed and kept me fed. The girls have been great with keeping things picked up, laundry, and getting me what I need. Some things are not getting done. I am trying very hard to realize that those things will be done when I am better. But that is still hard because I have put some of them off for three months and I feel I am loosing my mind with each day that passes by and feeling like I will never catch. The positive side of me says that those feelings are not true and things will work out. I hope to take a week of vacation time in about a week. I hope I am feeling better by then so I can get some things around the house done.

There are good and dark sides to life experiences. Shortly, after I became pregnant Wes told me that he wanted to go to Florida to have a special surgery done on his neck. I thought wow how on earth am I going to go to Florida pregnant with two kids in tow or post c-section with three kids. Along with not feeling up to doing the research during my first trimester on the procedure in Florida. I have known for months that Wes' pain has become worse and more important his ability to deal with it had gone downhill. I thought maybe I would feel up to doing literature research on the procedure during my second trimester and hopefully I could get Wes to put off surgery until summer 2012. It has been a few years since I have done literature research on cervical spine or lumbar spine. After I found out I lost the baby and before the surgery I was thinking about things to look forward to. This is maybe terrible to say but it was/is one of my coping techniques. One of the things that popped in my head and it was as clear as bright light was Wes' surgery. Whether the surgery will happen is not yet known but at least I will have the freedom to do the research, coordinate the tests that need to be ran and the possible surgery.

The ultimate question do I think I will try again. That is an answer that time will tell. Factors that will influence me. I am 36. My girls very, very much want a baby sibling. Emotionally Wes did not do well with this loss. I have had two c-sections. The doctors so far do not know what has caused the miscarriage at 12 weeks and the fetal demise at 20 weeks. Wes wants another baby. My sister is getting married in December. Possible surgery for Wes. For now I need a break.

Heavenly Father has shown me that old friends appear again to help and new ones help. Just when I think that I will need to go through a trial alone he shows me I am not alone. I am grateful for the comments, the e-mails, the phone calls, the meals, the flowers, the chocolate, the prayers, watching my girls or should I say giving my girls a break from their mom (LOL), our names add to the Temple prayer lists, the fasting, etc. Kind of like in Horton hears a Who I feel like just a speck. Thank you for the help.

Please keep Wes, Anna, Rebekah and me in your prayers as we venture into the next chapter of our lives.

Sonogram and Monday

I had a sonogram on Friday to make double sure the baby was dead. I had to have a full bladder for this test. This test was done at the hospital and they looked at every angle of the baby. I have not heard from the doctor on the final results but the ultrasound tech said all she saw was that the baby's belly was swollen.

This so surreal. I do not feel morning sickness any more and have occasional cramping but no bleeding or discharge. I have to report to the hospital on Monday at 7 am. The hospital staff person I talked to the other day estimates I should be able to leave the hospital by 2 pm on Monday. What I am most nervous about is the anesthesia. It makes me nervous to be put under. The last few days I have been an emotional wreck about it and today I am slowly getting to the point of psyching myself up to the fact that it has to be done, I will get through it and life will move on.

Wes has been so wonderful throughout this whole pregnancy (just like he was for the other ones). When I had morning sickness or having horrible cravings he went and got me whatever I needed. When I needed time away from the kids he helped me with them. He has been a listening ear.

Distraction

Nothing like having 4 extra little girls over for play date to distract me. The play date was already planned so I figured since I have no signs that I have lost the baby (other than the no heartbeat) and the doctor will not do anything until Monday then why not have a play date. After I recover in the next few weeks I will be even more done with winter and ready for spring and outdoors. I am tired of winter.

Fly away

I wish I could get on plane and fly but that is not possible and this too shall pass. http://www.youtube.com/user/CreedVEVO#p/a/u/2/As8gVOUzLCc

No heartbeat

We went in today for a ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. I just had an ultrasound last week and there was a heart beat and the baby was waving. Friday they are going to do an sonagram to make double sure. Tentatively I have a D&C scheduled for Monday. They have ran so many tests on me in the last year with no answers. Life sucks right now. My girls want a baby. I just do not know any more if it is safe for me to have a baby. Wes is sad. Wes went inactive (church) back in July and I am so much falling apart. Plus seems like everything in our house or our tenants house or our vehicles are falling apart. I hate life right now. I have many things to be grateful for but right now I just feel like falling apart to cope.

Rice

For morning snack I made blue rice and added cinnamon and sugar. For dinner I dyed the rice pink for our turkey and veggie meal. The girls loved it. I have not made rice in months. It was fun to do something different with it.

Genius

"Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid." -- Albert Einstein

Baby

I am 11 weeks pregnant. My due date is August 10. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers. I am making the prayer request for my girls. They very much want a baby sibling. Since I lost a baby last year at 20 weeks I am more likely to miscarry or have a another fetal demise. My doctor has me on baby aspirin and several supplements to reduce the risks. I will have more ultrasounds than usual. This pregnancy has been more rough than the others for pregnancy symptoms. Morning sickness has been stronger and last all day. I have been able to control it better more recently by constantly keeping something in my stomach. I have been exhausted. I am now sleeping 9 to 10 hours at night which highly, highly unusual for me. Before getting pregnant I was averaging 7 hours. Hormones have been more out of whack - happy one moment, crying the next. Unlike last year I am not nervous about the baby. Last year I had a sense that something was wrong from the beginning. This time it is just annoying pregnancy symptoms.

Playdough

Tonight I made homemade playdough. It has been a while since I have made playdough. I got inspired by this page Playdough Party. The girls had fun. I might make some more soon for a playdate they have this week.

Courage, strength, humor

Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time ...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh (wife of Charles Lindbergh)

My loves

I love these three very much and it is at one of my favorite places.