Sonogram and Monday

I had a sonogram on Friday to make double sure the baby was dead. I had to have a full bladder for this test. This test was done at the hospital and they looked at every angle of the baby. I have not heard from the doctor on the final results but the ultrasound tech said all she saw was that the baby's belly was swollen.

This so surreal. I do not feel morning sickness any more and have occasional cramping but no bleeding or discharge. I have to report to the hospital on Monday at 7 am. The hospital staff person I talked to the other day estimates I should be able to leave the hospital by 2 pm on Monday. What I am most nervous about is the anesthesia. It makes me nervous to be put under. The last few days I have been an emotional wreck about it and today I am slowly getting to the point of psyching myself up to the fact that it has to be done, I will get through it and life will move on.

Wes has been so wonderful throughout this whole pregnancy (just like he was for the other ones). When I had morning sickness or having horrible cravings he went and got me whatever I needed. When I needed time away from the kids he helped me with them. He has been a listening ear.

Distraction

Nothing like having 4 extra little girls over for play date to distract me. The play date was already planned so I figured since I have no signs that I have lost the baby (other than the no heartbeat) and the doctor will not do anything until Monday then why not have a play date. After I recover in the next few weeks I will be even more done with winter and ready for spring and outdoors. I am tired of winter.

Fly away

I wish I could get on plane and fly but that is not possible and this too shall pass. http://www.youtube.com/user/CreedVEVO#p/a/u/2/As8gVOUzLCc

No heartbeat

We went in today for a ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. I just had an ultrasound last week and there was a heart beat and the baby was waving. Friday they are going to do an sonagram to make double sure. Tentatively I have a D&C scheduled for Monday. They have ran so many tests on me in the last year with no answers. Life sucks right now. My girls want a baby. I just do not know any more if it is safe for me to have a baby. Wes is sad. Wes went inactive (church) back in July and I am so much falling apart. Plus seems like everything in our house or our tenants house or our vehicles are falling apart. I hate life right now. I have many things to be grateful for but right now I just feel like falling apart to cope.

Rice

For morning snack I made blue rice and added cinnamon and sugar. For dinner I dyed the rice pink for our turkey and veggie meal. The girls loved it. I have not made rice in months. It was fun to do something different with it.

Genius

"Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid." -- Albert Einstein

Baby

I am 11 weeks pregnant. My due date is August 10. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers. I am making the prayer request for my girls. They very much want a baby sibling. Since I lost a baby last year at 20 weeks I am more likely to miscarry or have a another fetal demise. My doctor has me on baby aspirin and several supplements to reduce the risks. I will have more ultrasounds than usual. This pregnancy has been more rough than the others for pregnancy symptoms. Morning sickness has been stronger and last all day. I have been able to control it better more recently by constantly keeping something in my stomach. I have been exhausted. I am now sleeping 9 to 10 hours at night which highly, highly unusual for me. Before getting pregnant I was averaging 7 hours. Hormones have been more out of whack - happy one moment, crying the next. Unlike last year I am not nervous about the baby. Last year I had a sense that something was wrong from the beginning. This time it is just annoying pregnancy symptoms.

Playdough

Tonight I made homemade playdough. It has been a while since I have made playdough. I got inspired by this page Playdough Party. The girls had fun. I might make some more soon for a playdate they have this week.

Courage, strength, humor

Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time ...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh (wife of Charles Lindbergh)

My loves

I love these three very much and it is at one of my favorite places.