Crying

Most days I am strong person. Most of the time I am problem solver. Tonight I cannot stop crying. Really I have been crying inside for few days now or maybe I could say off and on for years. Right now I feel at such a loss. Please forgive me as I try to sort my feelings of how hard it is to live with a husband who is constantly in pain. The level of intensity varies. It is so hard to see someone in so much pain they can barely walk at times or see them barely get any sleep or sometimes none at all. I just want to fall apart right now and run away from life. The hardest times always come when I am super busy. It is also hard when he contempt plates suicide. Why? Why? I cannot imagine my life without him yet I can understand why he would want to kill himself. The doctors do not know what to do for him. They can try more physical therapy and injections. We have been down that road before and now are going down it again. He is too young for surgery. He just wants to work. He trained in a profession he can no longer do. He has tried other things but continues to hit road blocks. He feels so lost. This is one problem I cannot solve. I love him. I am exhausted from seeing him in so much pain. Some days are good and days are beyond bad. I just want to cry and cry. Sorry for the pity party but life is pretty crappy sometimes. No one can make this all better. I just wanted to vent. Life is not always as lovely as I make it out to be. Overall my life is good and I love my life most of the time.